


To hell and back

by foxberryshipper



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Doctor/Patient, Kieren being an adorable little artist again, M/M, Siren, Watercolour, history of drug abuse, hospital au, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3928972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxberryshipper/pseuds/foxberryshipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angsty AU in which Kieren is a student doctor and Simon is a drug addicted patient. </p><p>"He looked at his notes hooked on a rail on the right side of the bed. The name read Simon Monroe. Kieren wondered if it was an Irish name."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ever since Kieren walker was little he wanted to be an artist. He would draw little  stick figures of his mam and dad before Jem was even born until she became his next inspiration. His dad always said to have a career to fall back on in case the painting fell through so Kieren decided he wanted to be a doctor and paint in his spare time. He wanted to help other people and feel the warm inner glow of doing something good in life. Jem had snorted over her morning bowl of cornflakes  when he first brought up the idea aged 16 years old.   
"you, a doctor Kier? Nah."  
"well I think your brother would make a wonderful doctor, show him some respect Jem," Sue replied after politely swallowing her mouthful of cereal.  
"Not that your heart wouldn't be in it. Just don't think it's for you big bro."

After 5 years of hell more commonly known as uni, he was finally allowed to witness real life cases in a real life hospital. Mostly he would be lumbered with other peoples paperwork because he was too nervous to refuse. At least he had Amy. She was also in training to be a doctor and his best friend or BFF as she would often say. They had met at some party at uni. He was the too-shy-to-dance-loner type where as she was the life of the party. Things hadn't changed a bit. Walking down the hospital corridors, people would wave to her and smile, acting as if Kieren was merely a shadow. All he wanted was one person to notice him.

That evening, Kieren was put on the night shift on a general hospital ward when a young, dark haired man was wheeled in, lying asleep in his bed. Kieren stared at the clock which read 8:16pm. The porter let out an exasperated sigh.  
"Another junkie, all yours mate."  
Kieren looked around, there were no senior doctors about.  
"Don't call him that Gary," he replied.  
"Drugged up to his eyeballs, can't hear a bloody word," Gary hissed.  
The man let out a weak groan. A light sheen of sweat covered his pale skin, his eyelids were sore, his lips chapped and he had several IV drips connected to the crook of his arm.  
"I'll take him," Kieren said.  
"Notes are on bed."

He wheeled him to a free space in the next empty bay. The man groaned again and Kieren couldn't help but feel sorry for him. How had he ended up this way? What had his past been like? He looked at his notes hooked on a rail on the right side of the bed. The name read Simon Monroe. Kieren wondered if it was an Irish name. He read further. Simon was 27 years old and had a long history of drug abuse and psychological issues due to him murdering his own mother under a heroin induced hallucination. Kieren's stomach dropped like a lead weight. Granted he hadn't met many patients but he felt an odd connection with Simon already. He wanted to help him even after what he had done. 

Having no real responsibilities in the hospital, Kieren stayed by his bedside most of the night, occasionally checking his BP, heart rate and temperature. Simon was unconscious the whole time, convulsing in his sleep and  mumbling nonsense words. Kieren stared at the thick red scars running down his own wrists and wondered if drugs was Simon's way of escape from the world just as suicide had been for Kieren at the time. He remembered how close he was to dying, how he had embraced it's reaching arms. Fading in and out of consciousness, his  dad carrying him home and blood, so much blood. His mind flashed back to the present with a sharp white light. It was 6:33am and Simon Monroe was waking up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How's it going handsome?"   
> "Erm you know the usual," said Kieren.  
> "I know that glum face now tell me what's wrong."  
> She ran over to him and pulled his cheeks, forcing his mouth into a smile. She gave him a wide grin and pulled her uniform from her brown leather bag. Amy always knew how to make a situation better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added Maxine as the evil boss also brief mention of Rick. Also Simon starts to wake up.

His eyes seemed surprisingly round and blue next to his hollow face and dry skin.   
"Simon?" Kieren whispered, edging closer.  
He had been sat on a particularly uncomfortable plastic visitors chair all night and his back was killing him.  
"Mum," he called.  
"Its ok Simon," said Kieren, taking his hand.  
"Walker what are you doing in here?" a female voice demanded.  
It was his boss Dr Martin, a dark skinned no nonsense woman who had taken a strong disliking to Kieren and Amy after they were caught using the cardboard sick bowls as novelty hats for a joke. Amy laughed it off along with the rest of the medical students while Kieren had taken the brunt of Maxine's hatred.  
"I was just sitting with him, he's waking up now," Kieren mumbled.  
"Your job is to care for all the patients in the ward. I suggest you move along while I check up on my patient," she glared.  
Kieren huffed and made his way towards the bay door when a raspy voice spoke up.  
"Www- wa- walker."  
Maxine shot an angry look at Kieren. He knew this wasn't the best time to disobey her and carried on walking, closing the door behind him.

He carried on until the end of his shift, taking blood samples from various patients and writing yet more paperwork. Just as his hand felt so numb he was sure it was going to drop off, Amy arrived in a flurry of colour for her day shift. He sighed, welcoming the distraction.  
"How's it going handsome?"   
"Erm you know the usual," said Kieren.  
"I know that glum face now tell me what's wrong."  
She ran over to him and pulled his cheeks, forcing his mouth into a smile. She gave him a wide grin and pulled her uniform from her brown leather bag. Amy always knew how to make a situation better.  
"Just Maxine."  
"Come with me."

She grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the changing rooms. Kieren was still slightly uncomfortable being there while she changed her clothes but she knew that he didn't think anything of it. His mind flicked back to the mysterious man lying in that hospital bed, his piercing blue eyes, his vague expression.  
"I come bearing news," she grinned.  
Kieren could see her Leukaemia scars. Her reason for being the person she was. Amy had had a difficult life undoubtedly, but she was strong. Mentally strong. Kieren had always felt so weak, always choosing the cowards way out.  
"What's that?" Kieren asked.  
"I've met someone. He's called Phillip"  
Kieren's mouth fell open. Amy hadn't dated anyone since before her Leukaemia. She had a boyfriend who only treated her as a trophy to show off to his friends, nothing more.   
"Don't look like that handsome!" She cried, shutting Kieren's gaping mouth.  
"I just worry about you Amy that's all."  
Now fully dressed, she sat beside Kieren on the plastic chairs and leaned her head against his shoulder. The whole room smelt of disinfectant.  
"I worry about you too you know?"   
"I'm fine Amy," Kieren whispered.  
"I know when something's wrong Kieren. I just want you to know I'm always here ok?"   
She gave him a sad smile and tied her hair back into a ponytail before leaving Kieren alone.

Why hadn't he told Amy about Simon? They always told each other everything. Amy had comforted Kieren when his first boyfriend Rick dumped him and he supported her through all the chemo, the radio therapy and all it's side effects. Now they were both moving on with their lives but it felt like things had changed. Amy was part of the 'in crowd' whereas Kieren would much rather be at home painting. Painting. Something clicked in his head like a lightbulb switching on. He grabbed his coat and set off home, his mind racing. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His paintings decorated the walls of the house. Paintings of his dad, Jem, Rick. He sucked in a deep breath, dusting off the watercolour paints and began to click open the little pots one by one. He didn't realise how much he missed the smell. After all the lonely hours spent at the easel, it felt calming, familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kieren finally gets to meet Amy's boyfriend but what has suddenly made him want to paint again after all this time?

Kieren rushed straight back home, catching the number 7 bus which dropped him off a few streets away. He knew everybody would still be in bed so he unlocked the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed into the living room. Jem was sat at the table, fully dressed munching a slice of toast. Her dark hair was in a side braid.  
"What are you doing back Kier?" she whispered urgently, jumping up from her seat, her mouth full of toast.  
"My shift finished. What the hell are you doing up?" he replied.  
"Can't I go out without you pulling the big brother act?" she hissed. "I'll be back before mam and dad are up."  
She pulled on her army jacket which had been lying across the sofa, finished her last bite of toast and headed towards the door.  
"At least tell me who you're meeting."  
"Friends."  
The door clicked shut. Kieren was not in the mood to argue anyway. Evenings were never his best time of the day.

After nipping into the Kitchen for a cup of water, he trotted up to his bedroom and instead of using his precious free time to sleep, he pulled out his painting kit and a blank canvas from under his bed. Kieren hadn't painted anything since before his suicide attempt. His paintings decorated the walls of the house. Paintings of his dad, Jem, Rick. He sucked in a deep breath, dusting off the watercolour paints and began to click open the little pots one by one. He didn't realise how much he missed the smell. After all the lonely hours spent at the easel, it felt calming, familiar.

Kieren looked at the clock in his room which read 2:33pm and it suddenly dawned on him that he had been painting for hours. The desk was covered in paint splatters, the water a murky grey. Nobody had disturbed him and he had been so zoned out, he didn't hear them get up. Kieren couldn't sleep now. He ran a brush threw his tousled strawberry blonde hair and ran straight for the front door amid protests from Sue and Steve.

The air felt warm and the sun was bright, shining beams of light on the uneven streets. Kieren passed a few neighbours and nodded politely, sometimes waving hello. He passed the pub, a place he always avoided which had become a second home for many people in the village.  
"Are you Kieren?" a voice asked inquisitively.  
Kieren turned round. A man was standing there, brown hair, probably late twenties. He recognised him but probably because everyone had seen each other at some point in Roarton.  
"who wants to know?" Kieren replied.  
"I'm Phillip."  
Kieren racked his brain. Phillip. Phillip. Could it be?  
"Amy's boyfriend right?"  
"yes she told me a lot about you. I just wanted to introduce myself," said Phillip.  
He held out his hand and Kieren accepted the offer.  
"just be careful with her ok? She's been through a lot."  
"I really care about her Kieren," Phillip replied. "You know you have some paint on your nose?"  
Kieren didn't know why but he turned his head towards one of the houses and his stomach churned at what he saw. His sister holding hands with the hospital porter, kissing Gary. 


End file.
